Lame-ass, ugliest, fattest, stolen days...

Well shit.
Ever have one of those days where you're fatter than you thought, uglier and more undesireable than you thought? One of those days where you walk down the street and every girl falls into one of three categories:
the same as me in ugliness and fatness;
better than me;
at least I don't look like that

Today was one of those days. Not to mention it's as hot as a crotch right now and has been for days. AND the heat mixed with my sweat has made my clothes all awkward and baggy. AND my big fund-raising garage sale is tomorrow, but the forcast calls for rain from the exact time I open to the time I close, 8am to 2pm.
AND in my lame attempt to help the environment, exercise, and save money I acquired a bike. However, after lugging this stupid tire pump around all day, getting rust on my baggy, ill-fitting clothes from the rusty handle, I come home to find that my bike has been stolen.

I actually thought to myself as I carried this pump-burden around all day, 'I wonder if I'll lug this thing home only to realize my bike is stolen...'

Oh, and dude-face, the lame-ass MAN who asked for my number, NEVER CALLED ME. Who DOES that? He asked for MY number and said he would 'definitely call'. I have witnesses!

This is all crap.

Hopelessly devoted

Well, it is offically over, over.
Not just broken up, but no chance to getting together again kind of over.

Anywho, I'm going to take some gravol and slip into a mini-coma for the night. I've already watched my daily depression-quota for movies, so I suppose a drug-induced sleep is the next best thing. Ciao.

Spicy and juicy...

I'M GOING TO AFRICA!
Spicy Safari!!!!!!!!!

WoooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooo
ooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

And if my layovers are cool, as some of them are (paris, london, milan) I'm totally hosteling it up! And staying abroad longer. Oh sweet Jesus. THANK YOU!

That's all folks.
Oh.


And I might, maybe, still love Ben dearly.
Maybe.
There's a chance.

How incredibly random...

The other day the owner of this store I frequent so often offered to sell me the business. I laughed in his face..."Oh, Dave, that's hilarious. Can you imagine?"
Blankly stares back.
Ohhhh....
But I'm only 23; so?. But I want to travel; you can... But I don't know the first thing about selling this stuff!
Good point.

Who does that though?

"I'm selling the business. If my son doesn't buy it, I'd like you to, random-strange-girl-I've-only-met-in-the-context-of-this-store. How much, you say? Oh, $75,000."
So, obviously I jumped all over that one. I mean, I gave him the 'what-the' face.

The other random thing, I've been invited on a safari in Kenya for the end of August. Variety is the spice of life. Safari's make life spicier.

And lastly, while I was writing my last entry about Ben and my feelings for him, who could guess there was a package from him waiting for me in my mailbox. Oh yes. It was, ironically enough, a book we had been working on...'1000 questions to ask before you get married.' Suffice it to say we didn't make it through the book. Chapter 2, maybe 3.

But on the book a post-it note telling me he missed me and was thinking of me. And of course, a Mounds Bar. (like a Bounty bar only with dark chocolate).

Anywho, so I was feeling kinda bad about what I had just said about hating him and all, but wasn't feeling bad enough to take the post down. For all I know TamponGirl was there beside him as he wrote that post-it note.
She's a dancer; like I used to be. She has blonde hair; like mine used to be. She's thin; like I used to be when I was 11. Soooooo basically, Ben's in love with my 11 year-old self.

I should go to bed.
For those of you who still come around, I applaud you. This isn't what I was going for. I thought I'd have more exciting adventures to talk to you about. I thought my life would be zooming by so quickly that a blog would be the only way to keep everyone I love up to date and informed.
Anyway, even if no one reads this in a few weeks time, that will be ok. I like my little outlet.

Oh and a special 'let's burn their house down' hello goes to my dear friend Patricia. NOT Patty. It's Patricia.

Rage

I just wish more than anything that the Lord would come back.
Wouldn't that be lovely? No more fear.
Fear about the war in Israel; the genicide in Sudan; nuclear attacks; pandemics; gas prices...it's true...I stress about that; husbands; disease; (the last two are equally fearful)...
In grade 12 my favourite teacher, Mr Crocker, asked his english class which they would rather; ignorance or total knowledge. Everyone but me but up their hands for knowledge. Perhaps I chose ignorance so I could be different, or maybe because then Mr Crocker would talk to me about why I thought I wanted that. Either way, I still want that. In all honesty who wouldn't rather live in the middle of nowhere, tending to your crops, blissfully unaware of wars, disease, politics, inflation. Seriously. Versus knowing everything, your head swimming with knowledge, being totally aware of everything you could be afraid of. No thank you.
My friend Ames in Darfur has offered me 1 USD per day to entertain her on a desert island (if she ever gets sent to one). I think I'll accept her offer. At least I'll be ignorant and laughing.
All that to say, I wish I weren't here in this pain. I wish I could run away...or be run over. Either would be fine.

Days that fill in time and occupy my mind...

I don't have anything in particular to say today.
It's just been a while so I thought I'd do a little update. This also helps clear my head about life.
So, finally, here is a picture of Chad and Julie's wedding! well...Chad isn't in the picture, but he's around somewhere. These are just a wee handful of the midwives I went to school with and practiced with in the Philippines. Aren't we beautiful?

That was a good wedding. I hadn't danced in...months and months so I had all this pent up 'dance'. I was unstoppable. But perhaps someone should have stopped me. OH! I was ridiculous. Mind you, only on one glass of wine!
Let's see...I'm missing Ben tremendously. Once we started talking after the breakup I think we fell in love all over again. But last week we put an end to talking to eachother...it was just too painful. I love him desperately, he consumes my thoughts (when I allow it) but he's not the one for me now. He might be one day. And trust me, I truly hope he is.
I didn't know I could love someone so much despite how terribly annoying they can be. I am human afterall.
So, consequently, I'm mildly depressed. The other day Bek and Jenn made me laugh until I started bawling. That's a first. Then Anne Jones prayed for me outside the church while I was gardening and I started to cry again at which point she promptly announced she was late and had to go. Thaaaanks.
On the light side, I bought the most exquisit arm-chair at Value Village yesterday for $15. It's a velvety green, with a fleur-de-Lie? (lee) type design on the cushions with....TASSLES! around the bottom of it. And it's on casters. I think I can now say quite confindently that I am the best thrift shopper who's ever lived. Is that a claim to fame?
Well, perhaps that's all I'll say today.
A special Hello goes out to Femmy, my long-lost friend from Germany. Fem and I met in New Zealand on my big trip a few years ago. Because Europeans have like 2 months vacation she still travels...one day we'll meet up, right Fem?
Ciao!