Ageing is the correct spelling. Look it up in the big-print dictionary.

This post goes out to Mike who suggested I write on my blog than party alone. Good advice as always.

I'm not sure what's happening to me but I'm pretty sure it's what they call 'aging' or 'ageing'. Apparently once you get old you've earned the right to put an 'e' and an 'i' together.

My skin isn't as...fresh looking, my knuckles and elbows get stiff in the cold and if I cross my legs for too long my knee hurts. I often find dark circles under my eyes and find...other things that shouldn't be appearing where they are.
And lastly...I've failed th pencil test. See Oprah.com.

Then tonight I'm with a bunch of old friends I've known since I was 14. They're all married, married-with-children, or talking about marriage with their partners. And then there was me.
Sitting by myself all dolled up for...who? Whom? Maybe once I hit 25 I can incorrectly use 'who' and 'whom'.
I feel like a prude sitting next to some of the younger girls there. I mean, how tight can my dress get before it's gross?
And it's winter!

I don't know what age it was when I started caring that I wore gloves, a hat, scarf, proper winter jacket (zipped up) and boots that were lined with Insulate. But that's what I care about now. I don't like exposing skin in temperatures below 10C.
It frightens me to think that soon I'll be avoiding going out all together because it will interupt my early mornings when I do my hair and eat my muslix.

I am ageing. And it scares me.

I told a friend that my skin was wrinkling and they asked if it was on my butt. I said "You can get wrinkles on your butt? I didn't even look there!" I am seriously distressed about that.

Even though it goes against every principle I have I'm starting to get a little panicky about still being single. I mean, I need to find someone...quickly! Before things get really out of hand. Pardon the pun.

Twenty-five is in 5 months. I need some serious training to prepare for that. I feel like after 25 I need to be an adult. No more ripped jeans, no more striped gloves that go to my elbows, no more big sunglasses from the Village, no more squealing when a friend tells me about a boy....well, no more of that because almost everyone I know is married.

I'm afraid to believe that I won't meet someone soon and in 15 years I'll find myself saying to some special guy 'Oh man, you should have SEEN me when I was 24.'

Allowance of Loneliness

There is an undetermined age for the single person when lonliness is assumed by all and not disregarded as a sincere state of heart. That time tends to come earlier for men than women, because, as we all know, women are emotional creatures. In other words, we're usually lonely at all times.

"Oh poor Garry--he's just really lonely," is a comment known to excuse a misdemeanor or two. Men and women of known loneliness are generally justified in their socially awkward mentalities and general quirkiness which tends to exercise itself as being 'pervy' or a real 'creeper' for men and as a 'cougar' or 'bitch' for the women.

Sadly we don't often take the next step from 'Yeah. She's not really a bitch. She's just so lonely, ' to befriending said bitch.

In highschool I would try that tactic with teachers. The real jerks and bitch teachers were my personal game to win over to my friendship. It was less an act of love and more an act of personal challenge to get these cruel, unfeeling teachers to like me, nay, love me.
But like a cougar on the lose at happy-hour so I was with my prey once I got what I wanted. The kill isn't nearly as fun when your heart isn't even in the game.

Anyway--all that to say: I'm lonely but I'm only 24 so I don't feel like I have a right to it. I feel like I need to put in at least another 10 or 12 years before I can say 'I'm lonely' and actually receive sympathy, or not feel selfish for saying so.

My life is a full life. Free evenings are rare these days. Facebook has ignited a forest-fire of reunions and 'let's catch up over coffee! When are you free?' dates with old highschool and university friends.
Yet I feel, in my heart, unfulfilled.

Will more friends fill that gap? Unlikely.

Will less friends and more intimate existing friends be the answer? It's possible.

Is a boyfriend any sort of solution? It's always been a dream of mine... But when the "solution" seems non-existant at the moment what's the next step towards fulfillment?

Clearly I know the answer. But I'm reluctant to believe that a God, although flesh and blood too, is able to really fill that void. I mean, really fill it.
It doesn't matter when, or how, or why, or even who--sometimes you just need a hug. And sometimes there isn't anyone around to provide that contact. Then what? Is it truly possible that without a hug God can satisfy the need for...a hug?

If not for myself, then for others who clearly won't be getting a hug anytime soon, I hope that the above it true. That when you really need a hug God can provide that sensation without actually...touching.