The surgery saga

It is the year 2007. Science can create the world's first bionic woman. She will be made of flesh, bones and lasers. We have the technology. This is her story:
Consultation day:

I was assulted with dilating drops, antibiotic drops and inundated with flashy lights and lasers. This was the effect: crazy eyes and greasy hair. Naomi refered to me as a cartoon. I agreed.

Surgery day:

Dilating drops, valium, and a friend who acted like she was on valium is the culprit here. If you look closely you can see where the nurse marked the whites of my eyes with a marker. That wasn't as fun as it sounds. ***Note the red-eye. My pupils were so dilated that I can't photoshop them out.***

Surgery afternoon:

Again, valium, percocets, gravol and McDonald's is the perpetrator of this heinous photograph. Catherine had the privilage of picking me up from the clinic after my surgery, taking me to McDonalds (valium does straaaaaaange things), tape protective visors over my eyes and tuck me in at 430 in the afternoon.

Post-operative life:

Lots of drops. Drops drops drops all the time because it feels like there are little demons in under my eyelid that are gnawing away at the lens of my eyeballs if I don't lube up.


Cleaning myself is even more of a treat now that I have to wear goggles to do so. Yup. Goggles. The man at the sports store rang the goggles through and asked "So how often are you in the water?". "Um...almost everyday." I said.