I have short term identities and purposes.
Like for now, for instance, I'm a hungry person and my destiny is to eat. A little broader example is: I'm almost a midwife and I'm here in the Philippines to help graduate.
And yeah, sure, my identity and purpose is ultimately to worship and glorify God (same thing...) but the question is HOW is that walked out? Clearly I'm not supposed to just stand around singing hymns all day.
But then there's something to that too, isn't there? Kinda like 'pray without ceasing' we are to worship without ceasing just by who we are. Ok then, yeah, WHAT does that look like?
For some people it's pretty clear. They're clear about their 'calling' and their giftings etc. Those people bug me. No they don't--I'm just a jealous person.
For some people, like myself, I know the areas I'm called to; I have a general idea what my gifts are; but making that into a...lifestyle...something that glorifies God, well that's another friggin ball-game, mon cherie.
I'm not feeling so badly about it at the moment--just mildy bad about it. I know this is where I'm supposed to be--and I know there are some really wonderful things to come out of this time here...so why am I complaining?
Sometimes, when it's dark, it's hard to remember what you knew in the light.
And that's what I feel like: like I'm Gandalf falling through that never-ending crevis in the earth--disoriented, crashing into the rocks around me on the way down, feet first, head first, no clue which way, tired, and very uncertain about where the bottom is and WHAT the bottom is...but ultimately knowing that I'll be transformed in the process.
Why does junk food have to be so bad for you? Why do drugs have to be so bad? Why are fun, indulgent things generally a good time and 'healthy' things always a struggle?
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2 comments:
Did I miss something between Gandalf falling and junk food and drugs? -spiralling downward into self-indulgence, that's it, right?
I like that line, 'Sometimes, when it's dark'...
No you didn't miss anything--I was just saying that good things are always a struggle; from food to spirituality. Achieving things like a healthy weight to a healthy mindset don't come easily--and that isn't fun.
Make sense, K?
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