My last friday...

Thank the maker! Whew. Today was a nightmare. Rough clinic day.
And I HATE the last couple days before taking off--so crazy and hectic and things to do!
But I have good news--I didn't talk about this earlier because I wanted to wait and see what would happen: in order to graduate I had to have 3 continuities of care, ie. 3 patients I follow through their pregnancy, labour, delivery, and post-partum period. Sounds like a tall order to complete in 7 weeks, right?
My preceptor, Vicki, referred to it as a 'miracle'.
But I have in fact completed all 3 continuities of care--plus a fourth, just for shits and giggles. (Who came up with that? It's so rude.)

Here's the third continuity of care with my Mum yesterday. He was a cutie--but so much like an alien. I called him ET.
GAH! I'm just sitting here waiting for the picture to load and I can't sit STILL because there's too much to do and I'm leaving in 2 DAYS!
So, gotta run. I don't know if I'll post again before I go. But be assured I will again once I get to Malawi.
Hey friends--why didn't you all tell me I was crazy to do a back-to-back missions trip? This would have been an appropriate opportunity to intervene and say something. Sheesh. Thanks a lot.

Centennial Post!

Happy 100th post to me!
To celebrate here are some pictures from the last few days since Mum has arrived:

Yes, they are pictures of me. But Mum TOOK them. I have lots of video of Mum, but no pictures yet. I will.
This is me with baby Cedric. He looks like a Cedric. I thought he was kind of an ugly baby when he was first born--but he's really grown on me. I'm rather attacehd to Cedric now. His mother, oh MERCY, had a hemorrhage in post-partum (after delivery) and her blood pressure dropped to 50/20. Pardon? Yes. 50/20. A normal bp is 120/80. That was shock. It was terrifying. But she recovered. And now we're onto the drama of her not breastfeeding and everytime I walk into the room she has a baby-bottle of WATER in his mouth. BAWAL TUBIG BABAE!!!!!!!! Water is forbidden for baby!

This was hilarious: I was posing Cedric with his cousin and sister (one guess who his sister is) and the one little girl just takes ol' Ric from me and starts rocking him and saying 'Tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh' the way a Filipina mother would soothe her baby. This little girl is no older than 3. Very cute.

Moments of note:
-When Mum thought the Filipina midwife was saying the breech-baby's position was 'bridge'.
"Bridge?" 'Yes, breedge.' "The position is bridge." 'Breedge.'
-Maricor only remembered she had met Mum in 2004 once Mum doned the frozen gel-pack head-band. "Ohhhhh, yeah. I meet your mum before."
-When Mum realized her power:
"I just pointed out that baby was jaundiced so I told them what to do, and look, they're doing what I said!"
So, she's adjusting well. She's finding her place here at Shalom, which is giving her purpose and a reason to like it here. I've tried, unsucessfully to get her to start her own blog. Perhaps one day.
The heat, of course, will always be an issue. It still is for me, but now I'm just used to being shiney, drippy, zitty, and occasionally smelling. It's a process.

This is a picture Mum took in the Hong Kong airport. Mountains (which I will always type at 'mountrains' until the day I DIE) are a phenomenon to us Torontonians. Hamiltonians however, we're soooooo used to mountains. We have our own "mountain".
It's pretty eh?

I've been trying to download some video onto youtube with much difficulty, so in true form I gave up, and you'll all just have to wait until I get home and can actually function on my Mac.

So--I leave for Malawi in four days. Sweet Jesus! I'm not saying that in vain. Jesus IS sweet and I really am calling out to him like that. There's a lot to do in the next few days, annnnnnnd a lot of obligations that I don't WANT to do. BA!
But I'm sad to leave--very sad. I think I might even cry. I actually love these girls, and these people. I never had an experience like this before.

But, on to more adventures!

Little glories:

Today I realized something cool about God and His "Glory" fanaticism. It changed my whole perspective on MY role in this life.
I realized that God wants to show his glory to us. Wha? That's what I realized? Yeah. It's too simple.
I believe His primary goal in regards to Glory-showing is that He wants me (and you) to see and be in awe of His glory. Individually. His Glory is for me to be amazed over. He loves me so much and I am so important to Him that he is content with just me realizing how Glorious He is.
I'm repeating the same thing over and over again just so you'll all understand.

Because it was a kind of overwhelming thing--to be his display of Glory to all of mankind! And yeah, just like love, His glory IS shown to all men through an outpouring of glory in our own hearts and lives. Make sense? But it first has to start individually. Otherwise we're just hypocrites.

So anyway-I've started cherishing moments when God has been Glorious just for me. I feel like few things give him greater pleasure than that.

Anyway! On another note--My mother arrived safely and happily yesterday morning. She's been sleeping for, ohhhhhh, almost 16 hours. I think she's ok....
Will post pictures...

QUICK!

Does American Eagle fit big, or are their sizes still pretty normal?

Tell me the truth...they fit big, don't they?

Love poem in Taglish.

If you haven't been here in a while--read the last couple posts. They're funny if I DO say so meself.

So I have an admirer--well, he's become more than an admirer. He's a lovah.
His name is...no let's keep this anonymous because although I may not like him as a boyfriend I still respect him. He's an architect. He lives at home. (Hey! I'm still respectin'! Living at home is a desirable thing here.)

Here is the poem he sent me the night before he introduced me to his GIRLFRIEND:

FrNdsHip is 1 of d hArdst tiNgs 2 kip,
coz sOmewEr in d miDdle nEw friEnds mAy cOmE,
bt i hOpE u'L stiL kEep mE in ur hEart
evEn if tHerE wUd B sOmEoNe New.

Then, just now I received another text:

LUV: Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale...it started when I met YOU.

Something's always happening in the middle!!!!!!!

He gets an A+++ for effort.
Now if only guys pursued girls like that more often.

And here's a kinda emo picture of myself--I took it in reply to a friends' bands' request for girls in striped tops. I'm a sellout. I know. No need to tell me. But nevertheless I liked this crazy shot. I look like one of those Bratz dolls---with the huge head and big eyes. Actually, don't look at it too long--it starts to get creepy.

Trying days...

God better be up to something because today's been a rough day. (Is it 'wrong' the threaten God?)

***Warning: profanity and bloody fluids (not mine)...ah I mean bodily fluids. What is WITH the typos these days?***

Today was out clinic/prenatal day and the students are back so it's insanely busy busy around here with blue-scrubbed students shuffling around or purposely evading their supervisor to get out of work (now that's the spirit!), 100+ patients, the two regular midwives and me AND as an added bonus a neighbouring missionary dropped off two women to 'help' IN ONE ROOM.

Oh, I felt so bad for the two women 'helping'. The person who usually checks patients' blood wasn't available, so we enlisted them and then we had to explain how it worked and how to take samples and THEN the machine didn't work after 45 minutes of messing around. Finally they just went home saying 'We'll come back later when it's not so busy.' I knew I wouldn't be seeing them again. Our clinic is not for the faint of heart.

So when I wasn't making sure the visitors were 'having a "good" time', I was tracking down nursing students, filing in charts and generally doing the work of all the students put together because as far as I'm concerned they're incompetent and I don't feel comfortable having them look after my patients. The other day they let a patient go home with a fever that she'd had for 5 days. Her chart said 'has fever'.
I asked "How high was her fever?" Don't know.
"Did she complain of any abdominal pain?" Didn't ask. Ah. Well done!
"So she's gone home then." Yes. "And she's coming back?" Not sure.
"But you let her go home?" Yes.
"Did you tell anyone that she had a fever for 5 days?" No.
"Did you think it was abnormal?" Yes.
Ok. Thanks. I'm glad we cleared that up.

Wait, let me reiterate. Their supervisor is incompetent. Today she actually AGREED with a woman that 'Yes, you probably don't have any milk to breastfeed. Here's a bottle.' I could have strangled her.

I've developed a new talent. I can identify different types of bodily fluids, with 80% accuracy, just by the sound they make when they hit the linoleum. That is, of course, with a distance of at least 18" between the floor and port of departure.

So tonight I was in my room (while Diana and Maricor were with patients) and I knew there was a patient pushing, so I wasn't surprised when I heard a big splash (amniotic fluid) and then the cry of a baby. However, what wasn't normal was that seconds later there were STILL splashing noises. Sure enough our patient was hemorrhaging.
Lord. It was fantastic.
Diana was swearing 'Shit. Shit. Shit.' With each fountain of blood; Maricor was in silent-concentration putting an IV in and I was barely standing upright trying not to slip on the floor. Oh.
The patients' sisters were crouched on the floor around our feet trying to sop up the blood and her husband...well he was making real sure that her Ovaltine didn't have lumps. The other patients were just hanging out--watching through the curtain...eating dinner. It really was a sight of beauty.
Meanwhile the baby is on the counter (where we keep the babies...I'm not kidding.)and I go to see if he's breathing, check, he is. But he's passed red stool. Oh fantastic. Internal bleeding? Fortunately not, but it's a mystery.

SERENITY NOW!

So, on that note here are some pictures:
This is me this afternoon watching the jungle-mountain rain while I counted money.

And this is what I was doing before the catastrophe: sewing. And this is Mave's sewing kit.

I hope my stories, although terrifying at the time and perhaps nauseating, were a joy to your soul.

Ohhh man.

I was shocked that some of you actually liked my sermons and rants! That's nice to know. Thanks.
I might go back to that, but I'm just trying to value my personal experiences with God--less sensationalism. And I was finding myself in a special moment with God thinking how I was going to retell this experience on bugger.com
That's the equivalent of couples video-taping their intimate moments to broadcast online...as far as I'm concerned.
Oh so, about my title--for some reason my blog switched to Tagalog, the language of the Philippines, so I tried to switch it back but now somehow I'm stuck using something that looks like Dutch. So when I'm finished this post I will click on 'Yaziyi Yayinla' or I could just press 'simdi kaydet' and save it for another day.
Frig. Good thing I've practically memorized blogger.
So, here's the picture of the day; the picture du jour, you could say. Oh! That's sounds lovely, I'll have that.

It's from the food vendor across the street. This vendor is responsible for my two attacks of 'LBM' (aka diarrhea). One attack being last night. Yet I go back for more of her delicious ulams (entrees).
Anyway--this is one of their cats. As if it weren't hot enough the cat thought he'd lay on the cooling ash of the fire.
I have video of this place--it's...an experience.

Oh, I also have a music video I've been working on for about a week.
What?
Yes, I'm working on a music video. I'm hoping to complete it this week, and move on to another one while I'm in Malawi.
Any requests?
This is a music video I found on youtube.com. I really insist you watch the whole thing. It just gets better and better. And it's a little catchy--hey! hey! hey!
(DOUBLE-CLICK!)
I'll admit, mine won't be as good as this one, but there are definitely some similarities. Mainly the bad lip-snycing and the shots of the shoes. Sorry, my video won't have a gay man dancing in it.

So I'm leaving Manila soon--10 days! I'm...gonna be honest and say I'm excited to move on. But I will miss the people here.
When I was in Manila last time there were so many of my classmates that we could stay in our own little white-girl world. But this time I was alone and the only people I had to talk to her Filipinos! It's been an amazing opportunity to learn the language better, the customs and get to know the people better. I've enjoyed my time.
Ah, listen to me! It's not over yet. I have that habit of mentally leaving or arriving in a place before I physically leave or arrive.

Alright, would you rather:
Have LBM (loose-bowel movements) from eating contaminated chicken curry (Rb? Gill? You want?) every afternoon for a month?
OR
Have to navigate your way around the computer in Dutch for half a year while a gay man dances behind you? Yup, he's dancing behind you for 6 months.

Running out of things to say...

So here are some pictures:

Crazy stiped rainbow tree:

My own version of the 'barometer'---the ice-meltometer. I time how long it takes for an ice cube to melt and that's my indicator of how hot it is from day to day.
For example, last night (the picture below) it took half an hour for the icecube to melt, but the other night it took under 20 minutes. It's a complicated science.

***Note: my coaster is The Irresistable Revolution. Poor Shane. AH! Indeed. Poor Shane.*******

Days 'til Mum gets here: FOUR
Days 'til I leave the Philippines: 13
Number of text messages sent per day: 9
Percentage hydro bill has increased since I arrived here: 225%

Mum's the word.

What a sneaky little title--because this post is about the value of silence and coincidentally my mother arrives in the Philippines in FIVE DAYS!
Hey Mum--on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being manic, how stressed out are you?

I've just been a little convicted about my-life-as-an-open-blog concept. And since I've been convicted about it and I'm not going to go into detail, except to tell you that the format of this blog is going to change.

It will be more of a day to day update, funny stories, cool pictures. The ushe.
So, I'm terribly sorry to those of you out there who are absolutely heart-broken that I will no longer giving my little sermons and speeches on socialism and theology. I know, I know, you're ALL devastated. But I'll be home in a month--we can talk about it then.

Well, on the note of mothers, and parents...Today is Father's Day! It isn't yet in the West, but here, it is. So, Happy Father's Day all you fathers! I love you Dad!
This is for all fathers and to-be fathers:
(** press play button a second time if it doesn't play the first time**)

You guys are awesome. Even if being a man makes you gaggy.

Workin' hard for no money, so you betta treat me right...

Last night was a craaazyyy.
I single handedly (with both hands) delivered two babies while Maricor was delivering one baby. And between the two of us cared for two post-partum hemorrhage patients, three healthy post-partum patients, four healthy babies, transfered care of one baby that had laboured breathing, and then three labouring women. Sometimes, I tell ya, sometimes this happens. And sometimes it's the full moon--and sometimes it's just random.
Anyway.
You know your tired when:
-you type your instead of you're....classic.
-You type bugger.com instead of blogger.com
-You COMPLETELY fill out the labour and delivery forms for the wrong women and not notice until you realize they have a little boy, not a little girl.
-You soothe your fan by rocking it and saying "sh-sh-sh-sh" when it starts creaking...then you roll back into bed smiling to yourself about telling that story on bugger.com
-You video-tape yourself sleeping because it's soothing to watch (and then are actually amused by it later)

So yeah. To sum up. I'm tired. But good tired. I feel awesome having delivered two babies alone--I never even did that when I was in Manila a couple years ago.
Thankfull the women were really healthy and happy about their babies.
Oh man--one couple was very cute. It was her first baby and (thank the maker!)she spoke excellent english. So inbetween contractions I asked her if she was excited about the baby, did they have names picked out etc. And, miraculously they were really excited about the baby.
Once he was born he was put right on her stomach and the father was right there--it was ideal. Anyway, the funny thing--when babies are born they don't come out freshly bathed with Baby Dove soap--this can make holding them and kissing them a little tricky right after birth. But the father REALLY wanted to kiss his baby.
He went in to kiss from one angle, pulled back, tried another angle, no...too goopy, tried a couple more angles then finally just kissed him wife on the forehead. Too cute. I wiped a spot for him to kiss on the baby's forehead and was very grateful.
Then after everyone was settled and ready for bed they didn't want me to turn the lights out because then they couldn't look at thier baby. It's so rare to find parents like that. I'm lucky I got to be there.

Obsession in 2007

It's so easy, isn't it? To be obsessed about things these days. Celebrities, food, clothes, boys, ah...boys.
I'm not a big online stalker. Ah, correction: I'm not a sneaky online stalker. IE. I only stalk what's public info anyway.
Well, today really marked the pinnacle of my stalking.
I managed to find someone's home address, number, FAMILY's info, place of work, CO-WORKERs and CLIENTS, as well as photos, email address, and education all from this individual's FIRST name, home city, field of work and religious denomination.
Oh. My. Gosh.
Am I evil or is the world just evil for making that possible in under 20 minutes? A bit of both, you say? Yes. I'd agree with that.
I'm only being so honest because...well it's in my nature, and because I'm a little disgusted. Lord. I've personally had problems with very MILD 'stalking'--I shudder to think what strangers know about me.
Oh, the woes of blogging and 21st century living.
Is it worth it?
Is all this knowledge we have of our friends and wishful-friends helpful? Is it constructive? No. We all know the answer is no.
Does this My-Life-Is-An-Open-Blog lifestyle really benefit anyone? Does it draw up closer to each other and God?
Oh shoot. I just totally shot down my point.
Because I'd have to say that my blogging HAS in fact brought me closer to others and to God (basically journaling...).
Oh! But my point was about this information super-highway that we take for granted.
Ok, here's a question for you--and I hope you think about it and answer it. My favourite late-English teacher asked our class this question oh, 7 years ago:

Would you rather:
Have ALL the knowledge there is out there
Or live by the old saying 'Ignorance is bliss'?

By the way, I was the only person in the class of 30 that chose ignorance. Sure I'd be a fool, but I'd be happy.
I'm not sure how I feel about it now.
And no quoting scripture about seeking wisdom, folks. I'm talking about worldly knowledge--not heart stuff.

Mavy meets Betsy & Claire dances with Freddy...

Here's Mavis, (the midwife from England that I'm covering for here in Antipolo) receiving her lifetime of serivce award from the Queen. This was televised (apparently) and after this she was interviewed on two local television channels.

The girls tell me that Mavy was really worried because she didn't have a hat to wear to the palace and as we know those Brits are hat-sensitive. But apparently she found one that matches perfectly.

Apparently she also borrowed jewels from the Queen's jewlery box. Whoa. What do you think? Costume jewellery?
Anyway--here's a dream I had last night--one of the FIRST since I arrived here:
I was at a party with people I didn't really know who were kinda uptight and boring. I was standing by the coat-rack when I saw this tweed jacket that reminded me of a coat Fred Astaire wore in Singing In the Rain...(no, Fred Astain WAS NOT in Singing in the Rain...but this is a dream...). So anyway, I'm all excited and I put the coat on and start tap-dancing around the room! And I don't know how to tap dance but I'm not that bad at it! And people are watching and enjoying the show while I'm spinning and tapping around in this person's coat.

Then I'm at another party later--some kind of fund-raiser--and that same coat is donated to the sale. I see it and put it on again and start tap dancing around. Because it's a fund-raiser people were seated around a stage-like space and so that's where I put on my little show. Everyone was very impressed.
Then to make it more challenging, and because for some reason this was 'traditional' to tapdancing, I put on a pair of shoes that were made of sea-urchins. One of the guys in the audience kept exclaiming 'You're going to hurt yourself!' then he'd slump back into his chair like he was fainting. Hilare.
So, anyway, I took a few seconds to sort out the spines of the urchin so that less of them would be digging into my flesh, then the music started again and I tap danced around like it was no big deal that I was dancing in shoes made of a sharp, poisonous, sea-creature.
It's boring--but it's my life.
****If movie doesn't play right away--press the play button in the middle of the screen again*******)

Thoughts taking shape...

(**Click on the book title and/or authors to get more info on them...)
So, I've been reading The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne and as I mentioned before I warned you I'd be talking about it.
I'd recommend it to anyone who
a)is bored of 'Christianity'
b)enjoyed Blue Like Jazz by Miller
c)has a heart for the poor
d)has lots of money
e)has a missionary call
f)is a male or female (just to cover my bases)
The chapter I'm reading now is a tough chapter--it's about money. And if you know me then you'll know I have issues with money. Too much, too little, too stressed all the time. Too cheap, too reckless, too thrifty, too extravagant and shitty with tithing to top it ALL off. The story of the talents was written pour moi.
Anywho--in the book Shane is discussing the call on our lives--the challenge to live in community and all that entails: sharing incomes, food, housing etc. He talks in there that if someone in the community is without food, then they all fast until they can all eat together (modeled after Early church community living--cool concept eh?)

Anyway! It's taken me oooooooohhhh maybe a week to read this chapter because it's like a Brillo pad to my soul.
And the idea of living poorly or simply--selling our possessions and living among the poor--really makes me sick. Because I see first hand everyday serious poverty. And I don't think I could handle that.

You want me to what? Live with who? And wear what?

But then it struck me--our modern-day concept of living simply or poorly isn't the horrible scenario we see on TV or experience on mission trips. What we see today as being poor and simple isn't the benchmark of how God is calling us to live.
So when I read things in the Bible that are asking me to live like that--it's not me living on the street, reaking of B.O, eating a couple times a week and just generally being gross. BA!
What am I trying to say?!? It's complex and I know I'm using the wrong words. But what I'm trying to convey is:

--the common look of poverty today isn't the poverty we're called to as Christians. God doesn't want that for ANY of his children--christian or pagan.
He doesn't want us living in squalor, unhealthy, malnourished and miserable.
That's it--it's the model of Jesus' poverty that we need to follow. Not the model of this broken world.

So, that's not a loophole to excape the challenge of poverty, ohhhhhhhh no, and I'm not sure how to end this thought. This is really just a work in progress.
More to come.
I hope you liked the picture of the brillo pad. Those things make me shudder. You know the way they hold onto chunks of food...gaaahagagg....ew....I'm gaggy. Ew, like egg from a pan...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww.

Video-happy

Catherine's comment about The Winking Circle Vid inspired this latest video post. Gotta love youtube.

ps This is the movie where I make my theatrical debut. You may also recognize me from such cutting-room floors as 'The Storm' and 'Fly Away Home'.

The Painted Veil

I'm telling you--watch this movie. It will renew your belief in real love..

Armpits and girls from LA

Have you ever had an itchy armpit? Oh man, I've got one now and it won't go away! But that skin is sennnnnnsitive and it hurts to scratch.
Anyway--that's not why I'm posting.
I'm posting a video...I hope...

I watched Joe Versus the Volcano yesterday and I must say, wow. Meg Ryan, NOT an actress I like to watch, was hilarious. And strangely enough I had a weird connection to Tom Hanks and his role in this movie. If you haven't seen it--you should. It's a classic.

Here's a funny clip. Her accent is hilarious. It's a long clip--but you just need to watch the first minute.

"This is a great town...IT STINKS!...But it's a great town."
AHHHhaha..
Made me laugh.
(By the way, this took me an HOUR to figure out how to post a video.)

The REAL clip I wanted was with Tom Hanks. He's about to head off on a huge adventure (that will ultimately kill him) and he asks his limo driver to have dinner with him. The driver declines and asks "Don'tcha have anybody?"
"No. But there are certain times in your life when you're not supposed to have anyone, you know? Certain doors you gotta go through alone."
Even though Tom is talking about jumping into a volcano, I really relate to what he's saying.
I've been thinking a lot about singleness lately. And this movie was good timing.

These feet were made for walkin...

And that's just what they'll do!

I was overwhelmed with something as I washed this little baby tonight.
I looked into his little swollen face and alert eyes and as I held him in my hands in the water I thought 'This is the closest I've come to touching God.' It was like holding something holy---something that was still warm from being held in His hands...

It was a startling revelation. Or from the other angle:
The power of God touching me through bathing a baby.
I was envious of him! The baby... In a good way... I was envious that he had seen God not too long ago. And I bet if he could form words he would be able to tell me about it.
It might sound a little mystical (fanatical?) but that's how my head and heart put everything together. And it was cool. I can still smell the baby soap on my hands...

Ha! Cool. Good use of words, Claire.

Days since it's rained: 4
Times this weekend Filipino-Mark has asked me out: 5
Showers today: 2
Litres of water lost through my skin: AT LEAST 12

A day in the life...

In line with Annie's blog about shopping--I did a little photo shoot myself.

Here I am in my new red clown-shirt and red Paten-pleather wedged sling backs. Nice.
Then yesterday, Vic, my teacher from Mercy In Action, took me on whirl-wind tour of Metro-Manila to help me get the rest of my 'numbers'. We helped run one out-reach clinic with the Vineyard church of Manila in a jeepney-driver's community. Then as we were winding down it started to pour. Excellent timing.
Then Vic and I headed to another clinic in Cabao, did a little work there, THEN to another clinic in Quezon City and did a little more work there. By the end of the day this was my tank top:

Yes, look a little closer---those white lines are deposits of salt...from my own body via my sweat.

Yeah-huh. I was particularly impressed with WHERE the lines were located. Classy.
But yesterday was cool because I was so terrified for some reason. I hadn't done an outreach in a long time, and I hadn't seen Vic in a long time and sometimes...she's a little intimidating. So I madly prayed about it as I drifted in and out of sleep the night before and throughout the night. Weird.
Anyway--it went really well. Besides being exhausted--it was a great day. A lot was accomplished, learned and experienced.
On another note, my Mum is coming in TWO WEEKS! That's SO soon. Especially since I have SO much to do in that time.
Wow.

What the...

There's some funny business going on around here--Annie I can't seem to access your site! Nor Val's or my friend Nicole's. What is UP with that?
And, as far as I could tell no one had responded to my post yesterday! Weeeeeeird.
Anyone have an idea why this is?

Anyway---my Epiphany for the day is: God only ministers in air-con. How true. It's the only explanation for his undying love and grace. He's never sweaty.

Which leads me to my next thought: God is only capable of loving when the climate is suitable and all of his needs (and various wants) are met.
Well said...

Hm. In case you think I'm being SERIOUS, and I know there are some of you out there who thought I was serious until I told you I wasn't..., these are things I'm learning about myself and how I am a conditional lover. Not in the procreative way, but in the God way. (What is a conditional sexual lover anyway?)
I realized, yeah, sure I'm quite content and even agreeable to loving others who smell, are dirty, are pushing things through their bodies, are ignorant, are just not paying attention etc on days when I'm well fed, freshly showered, and in general feeling pretty good about my situation.
It's when those conditions are NOT met that I find myself 'incapable' of loving. It's disgusting. I know. But it was profound to realize.
I am a conditional lover.

And then, (because I'm in this enlightened state of spirituality and theology, of course) I think to myself...Jesus proooooooobably wasn't always comfortable.
In fact, I think I can say with a large amount of certainty that no, Jesus was not comfortable, needs met, wants not even close!, while he wandered the countryside and loved people. And not JUST 'loved' but set a standard of love for all time.
Uhhhhh. Humbling.

I can just see him now--trudging along the road with 12 morons trailing behind, realizing 'Oh, wow, I've been so busy I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday!' Then rubbing his face with his sleeve to wipe off some of the dusty sweat that's making his face SO DAMN ITCHY it's driving him CRAZY.
Then, there in the distance, a tree, a perfect tree for resting and eating under, rises along the horizon. 'Thank you Father...I needed to catch my breath.'

But no sooner did he sit down, and no sooner did the sweat stop dripping down his temples and off the curls on the back of his neck; no sooner did his fingers twitch with the let-down of oncoming sleep and no sooner did his disciples stop arguing over who gets the right and who gets the left then a crowd of people showed up---needy and hopeless.
But unlike me, He welcomes them, heals them, feeds them, talks with them, even plays with their little kids! BA!
It's shocking, isn't it?
Anyway--that's the idea I've been playing with for a few days now. Conditional love. Rather, it's an idea I've been wrestling with.
It's hard to overcome. I think we can all heartily agree to that one, eh?

Up and running!

Hey everyone--
We seem to be online again--who knows for how long. So here's a quick summary of the last week! Yes! It's been a week!
-Last clinic day: 96 prenatals, 16 baby check-ups, 2 deliveries and one hospital transport for a preterm baby all by 2pm. Yup.
-Spent the monthly salary of a middle-income family in Greenhills market today. Sadly, I'm a little proud of myself for such 'thrifty' spending.
-Was in ANOTHER car accident involving a taxi. Headaches everyday since. Hello, Chiropractor? Yes, I need a new spine. Thanks.
-Has NOT rained in three days. GAH!
-Wore my jeans for the first time since my flight here. Seems like I've lost weight! I looked like a dork with my jeans all puckered and baggy, but MAN, it felt good. Also, I've apparently adjusted well to the heat since I even ENTERTAINED the idea of jeans.
-Number of proposals: 4.
-Number of 'penpal' requests: 3.
-Number of times I've lied about being married: 12.

As you can see I've been feeling a little more adventurous these days so I'm taking more pictures etc despite the staring, laughter, and general 'hub-bub' whenever I make an appearance.

This time off from the computer HAS been very nice actually. I've been reading tons and just being a better steward of my time (not money though...uh...working on it?). Oh, minus the 100+ games of freecell I've played in the last week. I seriously should join a league or something. I'm so good at that game.
ANYWAY! I will write more about what I've been reading (aka SUBJECTING myself to)tomorrow. For now I will tell you it's the Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne and it's good. I know a lot of you are familiar with it--so...have patience as I praise this book for a while.

Oh! And many thanks go out to those who responded and made comments about my latest rant on 'one vs. many'. I SINCERELY appreciate your input and in fact, desire it. So keep it coming as I continue to shock, awe and offend.

Oh no...

The phone line is down folks--so brace yourself for a blog-strike. I can only get to a computer twice a week! A WEEK! No not a day, a week. I'm praying this through. Lord have mercy!
Alyn tells me if can take a couple days to a couple weeks. However, before I arrived at Mavis' her phone had been disconnected for 5 weeks!!!!!!! Yessssss. I hope that happens to me.
Anyway--that's it. Nothing to share really.
Oh! I'm half way finished here already! Times flies when you're manic depressive.
love you all...
ps props go out to my brother Sam who was barefooting this weekend. Yeah, he's closer to 40 than 30. That's pretty cool. The barefooting, not the age--not that there's anything wrong with that...
Oh and Birthday wishes to Jenn and Matt Jones (who never read this blog...) but it's their 30th b-day...today, or yesterday for me. So Happy 30th!

Pictures

I encourage you to read my last post. I think it's one of favourites of all time.
But the show MUST go on.

Here's Analyn and I. There aren't any patients at the mo', so Alyn is doing birth-certificates and I'm trying amuse myself.

Here's Alyn hidden behind a pile of birth-certificates yet to be typed up.

And then this is me outside looking pensive and hot. No no, not gude-looking, just temperature-wise. Sheesh.
Just a glimpse into my evenings at Shalom Christian Bahay Pa-anakan.

Blinded by the light (...wrapped up like a douche?)

You know what I just realized...
It's the intrinsic value of the PERSON that makes the 'save one person' motto true. I was looking at it all wrong! I was looking at it in the same perspective as Nestle looks at their market--a sort of all-encompassing attitude of domination and well, just numbers! The more people the more money etc. etc. as far as Nestle is concerned.
For me, and my globalized mindset, it's the more people the more value I have--the more worthwhile I am. Backwards, eh? Especially when I'm the one who's doing the missionary work. HA!

No, if you look at it the way it's supposed to be looked at--through God's eyes then yes, one person is worth it. Because to him, one person is worth it. One person would have been worth dying for--if that had been the case. He would have died for Judas if Judas was the only person to ever believe in him.

Oh, see! It's a heart-driven issue not a statistical one!

Yes, it's the intrinsic value of ONE person, whether you're aware of their value as a doctor, or a missionary, or your mother, that is the whole POINT!

Oh man! Chris this is for you: it's all about RELATIONSHIP. And COMMUNITY!
And wasn't there someone else I was talking to recently about this? Kells?

My Mum sent me some info about issues of 3rd world midwifery in response to my last couple blogs, and it was interesting to note that WHO and UNICEF are pulling out a lot of their midwifery/health worker training programs because they're not working.
Why aren't they working? Why are mortality rates the same or higher when more and more people are being trained in health care and prevention?

Well, on a completely unrelated issue, maternal mortality rates have dropped in parts of Uganda and Brazil after doctors opened their doors to the TBA (traditional birth attendants) and facilitated discussion groups and learning times and sharing times between hospital staff and TBAs (most of whom are 'witch-doctors', healers, or just grandmothers). They say it created an atmosphere of equality and relationship which caused the parties to LISTEN to each other and therefore LEARN from each other. AND it also caused to TBAs to go to the hospitals more often because they felt welcomed knew they'd be listened to.
Wow.
And that's small time. But the ripple effect...well that's why it's called a ripple effect I guess. Because all it takes is one drop to ripple an entire pond.
So in conclusion: The life of one person is worth everything because they are intrinsically valuable to God and the kingdom---not because they're valuable to me.
And if change, and positive LONG LASTING change is to be made it's only through community and relationship.
THUS missionaries! TRUE MISSIONARIES!
Oh it's all fitting together now.

More input would be fantastic. I don't want comments so much as input for discussion. Just because I'm here and you're there doesn't mean this doesn't affect you too. This is kingdom work.

Dictionary.com

The word is glib:
adjective
1. marked by lack of intellectual depth; "glib generalizations"; "a glib response to a complex question"
2. having only superficial plausibility; "glib promises"; "a slick commercial"
3. artfully persuasive in speech; "a glib tongue"; "a smooth-tongued hypocrite"

That's the attitude I've been encountering for a long time. A glib attitude towards global issues. And that's the word, for me, that describes the situation.
"a glib response to a complex question having only superficial plausibility".
And for me, glib would be to say 'to save just one person will make it all worthwhile...'

Statistics and percentages

I have this one particular obcessive compulsive disorder (or in my case it's no DISorder) where I turn everything into a fraction or percentage.
For example, I'll be reading a book and every once in a while I'll stop and guestimate how far along I was. 1/8th, 2/5th, 3/7th. Just weird stuff like that. Or I'll be walking up the stairs and be calculating the percentage of stairs climbed. Am I weird? Is anyone else like that?

On that note--I've been noticing some trends in my blogging. When I post something sad or thoughtful there is a 50 to 95% drop in the number of comments posted by my readers as opposed to a funny post.
Interesting.
Anyway! You know how those great people out there---the selfless, servant-like ones--who say things like 'It's all worth it if just one person is saved.' (saved physically or spiritually...) I am not one of those people.

I figure--what's the ripple effect like with one person? I'm not here to help one woman through labour, or one baby to be breastfed, or one child to grow up NOT malnourished. No way man! Not in a world of (hold on..have to google this...)6,602,224,175 people! No way. What, I'm going to go to bed at night with a contented little smirk on my face that 'Yes, now there are 6,602,224,one hundred and SIX! people alive today. And it's all because of me.'
Is it wrong to think that way? Seriously? Am I morally corrupt into thinking that one person, although special etc etc, isn't worth it. Not when the issues and problems are affecting BILLIONS!

2/3rds of the population of the world: 4,401,482,784 live in poverty. And not just lower-class citizens who shop at Goodwill, no people who are dying because they can't feed themselves. I can't see the significance of working my ASS off just to save one person when there are over 4 BILLION left over.

Again, I'm not saying that one person isn't important--of COURSE they are--because my mother could be that person, or my sister, or my nephew--but when you're in the health-care field AND the missionary field...it's nothing.

I think globally! I'm a child of the 21st century--I have friends all over the world and I communicate on the internet 95% of the time. How can I NOT think globally in terms of health-care and mission work.

But REALLY TELL ME IF I'M fundamentally incorrect here! I don't know. I've just had this growing frustration and impatience towards small-time gigs.

How is it that corporations like Nestle can go into a country, or CONTINENT for Pete's sake, and damn well TAKE OVER but a charity has to scrape by for years never able to leave their posts let alone expand.

But then as much as I hate Nestle and everything they stand for (even though they deny it) I'm so inspired by them. I mean, that's a lot of work to single handedly change the attitudes and beliefs about breastfeeding, of ALL things, from one of life and nourishment to death and disease!!!!! It's SO inspiring!! I'm serious! It means that there's hope.
Oh, maybe it's the heat or the lack of English-speaking people to talk to about this, but I'm feeling CRAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZY!

And lastly, as a bit of humour (so that my comments percentage will average out to around 35% or 2/3rds) I was going along today in a tricycle cab and I saw this man walking along the side of the road. He had over his shoulder a stick of bamboo and hanging on either end, much like you'd see in a picture from China of a rural woman carrying buckets on a bamboo rod over her shoulder, were plastic-wrapped pillows. I noted this, didn't think much of it, until I thought to myself...I wonder what the pillow market is like such that a man walking around selling only pillows door to door is able to sustain life? It must be a tremendous market.
So I asked the guy driving the tricycle "You like pillows?"
"Ano?" What, he said.
"Yeah, you like pillows."
"Ano?"
"Nothing. It's just the guy...with the pillows. He's selling them...on the road..." And I chuckled to myself because I just know I'm gaining a reputation as the crazy white lady who sweats a lot. I KNOW it.